I had friends that felt sorry for us, others that said it looked like a bank, but we ignored them since by then we had alresdy crossed the Rubicon. Still, the house was interesting and evocative and after it was built the architect told me that he was most appreciative of the fact that he had a free hand thoughout the design and building process: a situation he rarely encountered. The pianist and I were young and I , at least, certainly felt at the time sufficiently naive that I had no right to tell someone as knowledgeable as an architect what he should build.
We came and watched it being built and growing every day and it became slowly our own so when we moved into it, we readily adapted and the house became our home and we knew every stick. A house is only a home when a heart beats strongly within it. Mine did, and so did my sense that I had somehow arrived when the evocative house seductively took up my identity within itself. We sold the house after seventeen years when our needs changed, but I never forgot the house thoughout the intervening years as it became a statement of mine during the time we lived there. When we left and the furnishings were gone, I never returned to see it because for me a part had been excised.
The pianist however went back to look at the empty house and as she looked in every empty room she knew: "A house without a force vitale, is only a beautiful empty shell."
The heart in any house, whether beautiful or homely, is what creates the home. The pianist shared my feelings about leaving it, but it became apparent to her as she toured the empty house that it was a corpse, albeit a beautiful corpse, without a heart, awaiting a new transplant. I wish now that I had the pianist's foresight to visit it once it was empty, so that I could write "finis" to the sense of loss I felt at that time.
The loss of course is never to you, but to the house, since the force vitale is the force the house can never retain, and that, we carry away with us. I guess we should always assess the relationships we create with our symbols. There is a danger lurking for all of us that as times change, the visible symbol as a sign of an invisible presence can become an invisible symbol , indivisible, from oneself. Or to put that sentence more plainly, " You are more than any bloody house." One needs vigilance to maintain control of one's own orbit.